Trying to Do Too Much
Anyone else have days where the number of things you want to do is much bigger than the time allotted? Every day ends up having too many tasks, many of which are of little actual importance. This leads to feeling overwhelmed and needing a vacation. I so have these.
Travel is something I think I do quite well and do enjoy, and rarely have these problems. And fear is a common source to problems that I am getting better at dealing with. So I relate this problem to travel and fear in order to sort it out.
Fear
For me this extends even beyond the day range. I look ahead and think about all the different things that need to be done before the end of the week or month. Often this list is very long and overwhelming. Laundry, haircut, cleaning, pictures, work, friends, eating, shopping, gym, blog… and that is long before I get to hobbies, which I will often pick to try to relax, yet making the list of undone things no shorter.
The root of my problem is not really that I have a list of things to accomplish that is longer than I am able to do; but that it affects my sleep. In not being able turn off my head, I get no rest and am just more overwhelmed and less productive on the next day. This is a circle that is not much in the way of fun. The root seems to be one of several fears:
- I am afraid of what others will think if I can’t get it all done.
- I am afraid of what I will miss in dropping some activities in favor of others.
- Then each individual task screams that if that task isn’t completed then a whole group of bad things will occur. Each one vying for importance.
These fears are what wonder around in my mind at night keeping me awake. I worry (a result of fear) about what has to be done tomorrow and what wasn’t completed today. These worries mean that I cannot relax and lie awake or wake up several times a night. While a few beers does calm the mind some, that also doesn’t lead to good sleep nor fixes the problem.
Travel – Trying to See it All
Travel is (as evidenced by the site) one of my passions and where I tend to look for examples of how to fix life problems. Um yeah, moved abroad to reboot life. In travel this problem comes up as trying to see it all. To replicate the problem more closely, imagine a city wide-open with a list of must-sees. I’ve planned a full trip of sights and have the list to check each one off. It means though often rushing through sites and struggling in transport long distances to try to get in to museums before they close. It means eating on the go and not stopping at all. Pretty much the same day that I would have with too many things to accomplish at home. Add a transport strike or work crises to either day and you get frustration and worry (and hunger and sleeplessness).
To go more toward a macro level, (and I am well guilty of this) trying to see entire countries in a week. The well-named Whirlwind Tours of Europe are in this class. Seeing each place for a day or two and moving on trying to see everything. Whenever I try to do this I end up feeling dizzy and tired and overwhelmed. I stop enjoying things after a few days and my eyes kind of glaze over. I just can’t enjoy travel at this breakneck speed.
Beating the Fear…
The issues in both the case of my daily life and of trying to see too much in traveling seem to stem from similar fears. (If they don’t, then I picked some poor travel examples, because that is their point.) A limited amount of time mixed with large expectations resulting in a bad feeling if these expectations cannot be met. So the worry stems from not being able to see everything you wanted. Phrases like “What you went to Paris and didn’t even go up the Eiffel Tower?” “You didn’t see the Mermaid when you were in Copenhagen?” come up and fuel the fear. For the record, I was very hungry when the group went to the Tower and picked the waffle stand instead. And I tried for a while and could not find that Mermaid statue.
Fear is by nature a future emotion. Fear is about what could happen or might happen; never what is currently happening. A fear of heights is about falling, something that might happen if you are high up. The frightening experience of a dog barking is the menace that he might bite, not that the barking itself is painful. The fears that force me to worry at night about all that I think I have to accomplish are that in the future not having something on that list done will be detrimental. Not seeing everything in travel seems to be the fear that you will never get to see it.
...with the Travel Examples
Every city is rich and deep in mysteries and things to experience. I will never “see it all” especially if I am only there for a week. Even living in a place for a while can lead to unexpected new things. Give up right now that you will see everything.
- If a place is worth seeing, it is worth coming back to see.
- If a place is not worth coming back to, then why is it so bad to miss seeing it?
- Most importantly, enjoy and revel is what I can do and am seeing (and have seen), not what I am missing out on.
So I am giving up on worrying about the sights that I missed and remembering all of the wonderful places that I have seen. Slow travel is one of my passions. To travel at a pace that allows worry reduced viewing of things and enjoyment of being a traveler. Part of slow travel is about taking time to enjoy places and not worrying about what is being missed.
…in Daily Life
Leading back into my daily life, I am going to try to put into practice these things. Decide what is actually important. (see above with waffles instead of Eiffel Tower) Figure out what is doable and enjoy the results of that. This is actually a common thing in personal development circles, don’t take too much on and don’t worry about doing everything. Especially don’t worry about it. I link to it through the experience of travel and draw it back through my life.
Things will change in importance and priorities get rearranged. Ok, go with it. Just like in travel, if you meet a great group of people headed in a different direction, think about joining them instead of running down your list.
Next time I return to the UK, I will… | L O G O
February 15, 2015 @ 7:56 am
[…] gone by and I was on a race to tick every item off my ‘To-Do’ list. Maybe I was just trying too hard, […]
Taking it slow versus Seeing things properly - Grounded Traveler
May 31, 2013 @ 10:26 am
[…] seems to come down to the fear of “missing something”. That we are so frightened to miss out on a sight. To hear the “so you were in X and didn’t see Y? Such a shame.” And yet, how […]
Announcing Beyond Vacation 2013 - Grounded Traveler
April 2, 2013 @ 7:26 pm
[…] adsorb the lifestyle and culture in a few weeks. Often if you try, you end up going too fast and trying to see too much and end up more tired than you […]
February 14, 2011 @ 2:55 am
I totally agree with you! I recently spent 2 months traveling around China, and what did I see? With the exception of Hong Kong (where I flew into from the US) and Shanghai (where I returned to the US), I didn’t see anything most people would’ve ever heard of. In fact, in two months I only saw 3 provinces that I moved through very slowly, soaking up the environment. Did I have visions of grander plans? Sure! But I ditched them in favor of exploring some more unusual places. The Great Wall and the Army of Terracotta Warriers will always be there for next time! But will those remote places be the same? Probably not…
February 14, 2011 @ 7:01 pm
Two months in the “backlands” of China sounds interesting. Do you speak Chinese? How did you do research on those places? And I thought the Chinese government was a bit strict on visas and movement.
I agree that the remote places will become even less remote as time goes on. Although the monuments will not always be there forever either. Every step of a tourist affects the monuments in their own ways. Through commercialization or just wear on ancient ruins.
February 19, 2011 @ 5:27 am
No, I don’t speak any Chinese, which makes travel just about anywhere in China very hard (in a good way…). Hand signals do go very far (like for food or sleep) and everyone seems to know the word “toilet.” But the single hardest thing I had to do without speaking the language was buying a refill for my SIM card in Shanghai nonetheless!
Research was easy…there are travel guides to EVERYWHERE, even areas where few travelers go (thank you Lonely Planet) so a few days roaming through bookstores suffices.
In theory, Chinese visas let you go just about anywhere, though you cannot go to Tibet without obtaining a special permit and going on an organized tour. They do, on occasion, close other provinces to foreigners when their residents are protesting against the government or when the government thinks they might protest.
That was actually the case with one of the places I want–the Tibetan areas of Western Sichuan Province, which isn’t actaully Tibet at all, so no permit needed, but it used to be Tibet, so it’s like going to Tibet minus the red tape, were closed to foreigners until a few days prior to my arrival. Thankfully, they reopened after the anniversary of some big Tibetan protest passed uneventfully.
Chinese visas are QUITE expensive for Americans though–US$130 for any kind of tourist visa. Single, Dobule & Multi entry all cost the same, though your chances of getting a Multi on your first application are slim (I asked for it, ended with a Double cosidering that they’re all the same price).
Quand je retournerai à Londres… | Eurotrip tips
November 22, 2010 @ 6:26 pm
[…] gone by and I was on a race to tick every item off my ‘To-See’ list. Maybe I was just trying too hard, […]
Next time I return to the UK, I will… « Eurotrip Tips
November 15, 2010 @ 9:11 pm
[…] gone by and I was on a race to tick every item off my ‘To-See’ list. Maybe I was just trying too hard, […]
November 15, 2010 @ 8:17 am
I think this is a post that many people can relate to. I’ve learned that when you visit another country, it’s not how much you see, but how you see it. Cramming in the “must-dos” is exhausting and overwhelming. Also, you usually have very high expectations of these sights based on others’ opinions. As a result, you’re often disappointed instead of satisfied.On the life front, I also have nights (such as last night) when I can’t sleep because my head is too full. I find that making lists helps and once I get started on accomplishing one of the tasks, it’s a domino affect because I continue to work until it’s finished. Just know that you do have the ability to get every thing done–have some faith and every thing else will fall into place. 🙂
November 17, 2010 @ 6:58 pm
Wow, I avoid lists exactly for that reason. Well I craft my lists special. If a list is too long, I feel I’ll never get it all done and then skip the whole thing. It must hit the sweet spot to be encouraging.
Nice to know I am not alone in the mind-full = no-sleep thing. Although would be nice to have it gone too.
My favorite activity traveling is sitting in a pub/ice cream place/cafe and just having cake and a book or watching people. Not so much sight-seeing efficent, but good anyway.
November 14, 2010 @ 8:13 pm
Hey Andrew, Thanks for dropping by my site. This is a great post and so guilty of doing this. Another two emotions I could add to the list are ‘guilt’ and frustration! Guilt at never getting my unreasonable list done and frustration at always having lists. Been a travel junkie for a long time now (10 years – that long already??) and learning to take it easy. Explore and experience rather than have a to do list. The funny thing is now that I experience things I enjoy my trips so much more. Instead of just seeing places I come back with an enriched life.
November 17, 2010 @ 6:55 pm
I don’t know exactly how, but I fully imagine that Guilt and Frustration can also be linked to a Fear.
Glad you enjoyed the post. I think a lot of us do this, both in life and travel trying to push too much in one direction and miss everything going by in the meantime.
November 14, 2010 @ 2:00 pm
I totally relate to this! On my last trip I tried to cram in a couple days in Lebanon. When I got to Beirut, I was completely exhausted–and this wasn’t good. I then decided to go the the mountains. and underestimated how long it would take and really burned myself out.
As much as I enjoyed my trip, the final several days were not as good as they could have been because I took on too much. As hard as I try, though, I don’t seem to learn this lesson–especially when the neighboring countries form a region of sorts.
I like the idea of “slow travel” and really need to find a way to get into that. Thanks for getting me to think about it!
November 14, 2010 @ 3:50 pm
You’re welcome. I hope it helps you. The bullet points I put up are how I try to think about it. If someplace is worth seeing, I’ll come back. If not, then it probably isn’t worth worrying about missing it. Spent time enjoying being in a place, not scrambling.
Thanks for the comment.
November 13, 2010 @ 8:58 am
Funny, I never went up into the Eiffel Tower, either. I went to Paris with my cousin for a Christmas trip, and we had a hard time finding each other at the base of the tower, and then I stood in a very long line for half an hour and realized it was moving nowhere, and it was dark and so cold and my feet were FREEZING…and then I looked up into the tower above me and thought, really? What’s it worth? It’s just a view and you don’t HAVE to do this! So we left and had dinner instead. 🙂
Great post…I think the longer I’ve been traveling, the more willing I am to let go of doing too many things. I think somehow you have to train yourself to just let go, enjoy what you have at that moment, and don’t worry about what you’re not seeing. In our recent trip to Malta, I really wanted to go to Gozo, the other island, and there were some museums and churches we wanted to see. We never got around to those things, but I am content with what we did see.
November 14, 2010 @ 3:48 pm
Ha yeah. I like the views OF the Eiffel Tower much better than I can imagine I would like the views FROM there. Good dinner a better choice then?
Travel should be able enjoying things and yourself in places. Enjoy the present, and let the future take care of itself. Um.. yeah trying to work on that myself.