Doubt while Living Abroad
I’ve been living abroad for nearly 2 and a half years. Moving out here was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Deep down I don’t regret the decision or my life here at all. I love what I have here and the people I get to meet and the places I can see more easily from here.
That said I still have bad weekends. I have doubts. Hours or days or even weeks where I wonder “What the hell did I do to myself?” And ponder “Why did I choose to live here?” These aren’t really bad or even unexpected and in the end actually make me more aware of how good it is here.
I have lived in several places around the south east US for most of my life. I then started traveling and seeing the world. These experiences ended up changing me and making it so I could no longer really be happy just living a ‘normal’ life. I think this is the road I wandered down that led to me living in Germany. What a wonderful road that was too.
Yet sometimes I wonder…
Yeah, I love living here and don’t expect to ever move back. I have a life here that I like. It is not always an easy life though. There are frustrations…
- I have a bike and a tram pass, which 95% of the time is truly wonderful. Not so when you want to buy furniture or plants or simply go to a place that is outside of the tramlines easily.
- Stores here close at odd times and don’t always carry what I want.
- As much as I do speak the language, there are times I just can’t be bothered, but have to anyway.
All of these things are minor. I have friends with cars, the language is rarely an actual problem and who really(!) needs cheese-its and beer at 2am. But taken together on top of a poor night’s sleep they do get to me sometimes. I wake up and just yearn for what I picture as my ‘easy’ life in the US. I wonder if it really was a great idea to give up the convenience of my car and the easy nature of my job there.
Then I recognize these as symptoms of culture shock. What? Culture shock after nearly 3 years and a number of previous trips? Apparently, some days yes. That sense that they don’t do things here the way they do at home and the unhappy feelings from that. That is classic culture shock.

Then I remember…
If this seems like culture shock, then treat it as such. I make myself sit and take stock of what I have and what I left. Yes, I only have a bike here, but I ride it and am healthier(exercise and fresh air bonus) for that. Not being able to go to the store at a whim is helpful against buying too much as well. At least I have people to talk to here as opposed to the automatic checkout lane at the grocery store.
In my old life I suffered from regular panic attacks. No matter how stressful it gets, I have yet to see a recurrence of them here. It is blooming hot and humid at home this week and really pleasant here. I can sit out on a plaza and drink a beer watching people go by and then in 10 minutes walk home. Never been able to do that before. Organizing for this weekend one of two dozen places to go watch the USA / England World Cup game, all within walking distance.
I just sit down and look through all of the benefits of being here and that helps put the doubts in perspective. I begin to see why I choose to live here and being forced to check that choice every so often helps in a lot of ways.
Doubts are helpful..
They help clarify things and challenge decisions. You have looked at what is important and still come out with the same decision. When I was still in my old life in the US, every time I hit a major roadblock I just decided that everything would be better if I moved to Europe. This was the driving feeling that made me travel and got me to move out here. Ok, for those that are shaking your heads, of course just moving here didn’t make those roadblocks go away, in fact it brought new ones.
In the end being here I have a frame of comparison. I always have the option while living abroad to just say, “No I want to go back.” It would be a royal pain, but I could do it. Having that option means I can compare the hassle of going back with the roadblock that I am facing. This ability to compare means the roadblock doesn’t look so bad or so long-term. It helps me put things more easily into perspective and just relay knowing I am where I want to be.
I know a lot of expats don’t necessarily have a choice about living abroad due to work or family. I do and am grateful for that choice.
Longterm Travel
I would imagine that long-term travelers go through these doubts as well. Travel provides a perspective to compare against, but it also challenges you. This is one of it’s great benefits, but sometimes it just gets too much. When that happens you have to sit back and look at things and learn even from this doubt.
Do you ever doubt your decision to go travel? What do you do with it?
German Expat in 11 1/2 Signs » Grounded Traveler
March 4, 2012 @ 4:37 pm
[…] you have to adapt to them. And things can be freaky and scary sometimes. It’s ok to be unsure or overwhelmed sometimes […]
11 and a half Signs You Could Be A German Expat » Grounded Traveler
March 4, 2012 @ 4:36 pm
[…] you have to adapt to them. And things can be freaky and scary sometimes. It’s ok to be unsure or overwhelmed sometimes […]
August 5, 2010 @ 8:15 am
Wow very high praise, thanks. I hadn't thought about the link between this and the grass post, even though I was looking at using the same sheep picture. Added the related post on your recommendation. 🙂
August 5, 2010 @ 3:50 am
I started reading through some of your posts I haven't read yet and this one was really helpful. Kind of goes along with the “grass is greener” one you just posted. Even though I know I can't really understand what it's like to travel long term or be an expat (yet?) reading stuff like this gives me a glimpse of what it might be like to live in another country. Helps me feel a little more prepared and aware for whenever I decide to take the leap 🙂
An American expat in Germany: expat interview #3 | The Brink of Something Else: expat life in Cusco, Peru
June 26, 2010 @ 1:17 am
[…] his travels around Europe and the expat life on his blog, Grounded Traveler, and one of his posts, Doubt while living abroad, helped me to decide to focus on expat life for a while. Here, he talks about adjusting to life […]
Expat Interview #2: Joe Tuck in Istanbul | The Brink of Something Else: expat life in Cusco, Peru
June 21, 2010 @ 4:03 pm
[…] next interview will be up on Friday, with Andy of Grounded Traveler. Andy’s post, Doubt while living abroad, was a fairly key factor in my decision to focus on expat life for a while. He made me realise […]
June 15, 2010 @ 12:01 am
Thanks for the best wishes Andrew – I feel better already now that I've analysed it a bit. And as you saw on twitter you've totally inspired me, I'm going to run a bit of a series on expat-dom and the challenges of integration and adjustment. If you'd like to be involved I'd love to email you the interview questions I've put together. Just shoot me a tweet.
June 14, 2010 @ 6:07 pm
Thanks for the stumble and the comment. I am glad I could help. I originally wrote it as a catharsis for me, so it is cool that it can be helpful to others.
June 14, 2010 @ 6:06 pm
Thanks for your story, it helps me too to hear that other people deal with (and succeed despite) all of these doubts. This is really not a piece of being an expat that I had expected. It does take a toll and it can be very subtle.
All the best in Peru. Try seeking out the English speakers. I find it great help to have a group that really understands what I'm going through.
June 13, 2010 @ 5:07 pm
btw consider this stumbled upon…
June 13, 2010 @ 4:52 pm
Wow, having just made my move abroad this was a great read for me. It reminds me not to be discouraged if things aren't always as exciting as they were in the beginning. Thanks for the helpful advice, I'm definitely saving this one to remind myself all the good things on a bad day here.
June 13, 2010 @ 2:13 pm
I live in Cusco, Peru, and love it, but I definitely relate to the doubts you talk about – especially the language barrier.
While there's a thriving expat community I could seek out here if I felt the need, the friends I've fallen in with and my boyfriend all speak very little English. It's great for Spanish, but for the longest time I didn't realise what a toll it was taking (so that's what the teary sessions were about!). I can't yet express myself in Spanish like I can in English, and that gets exhausting and lonely at times.
June 12, 2010 @ 6:03 am
Thanks for the comment.
Yeah, the opening hours are the most annoying thing here too. It is better now than 15 years ago. Like you say and like I have heard from others here; having Sunday as a forced rest day is actually a good thing, whether convenient or not.
June 10, 2010 @ 6:23 pm
Thoughtful and honest post. I enjoyed it!
And I relate to a lot of it, though I don't have the language barrier in the same way (or do I?) 🙂 My least fav thing is “Sunday Trading Hours” there? Shops can only be open for 5 minutes. But then I guess that's one reason life in the UK is slower than in the US and that's not a bad thing.